10 Proven Tactics To Living With Relatives Successfully

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There can be a million and one reasons why a person decides living with family is better than living alone.

As a single mum, I made that decision along with my parents that living together would be mainly advantageous for me and my daughter.

During the first lockdown, my daughter and I were very fortunate to live near a beautiful park and wide open spaces which we visited daily.

Mainly to use up her never-ending abundance of energy, but also a change of environment. During the second lockdown, we moved into an apartment with a garden.

That was fabulous… Opened the patio doors and there was grass, flowers and space.

Our own mini park.

Unfortunately, more space meant more bills. More bills on less income were hugely problematic!

So I did what any respectable adult child would do,

I ran!

No, wait..

Sprinted!

No, I can do better than that…

I catapulted myself and my daughter into the loving arms of mummy dearest!

Who bless her, wasn’t entirely ready or remembers the dramatic life of a toddler.

Anyway, I know there are other single parents out there that might have decided to move back in with their parents or never actually left home.

They find their living situations, how should I say… Challenging.

Well, let me give you a gift wrapped in this blog post.

Because if you are living in close proximity with someone and the atmosphere can be cut with a knife, then this will feel just like a gift.

The perspective of this post is entirely from that of a single parent living with relatives and what has made our living together successful, removing the majority of stress and anxiety.

I am 100% sure that the relatives will have something to say, well they can get their own blog ha ha ha.

Living With Relatives Successfully

Before Moving in

Once you have decided that living with relatives is the way forward, there are a few things that need to be discussed and decided upon, in order to make the transition as smooth as possible.

Set expectations for everyone

Arrange a meeting, zoom or telephone call and each person layout what they are expecting. This is where you should also look at the actual relationship you have with these relatives.

You have to be honest with yourself and with them, does your relationship need work?

The idea of living in close proximity with them

excite you
scare you
give you anxiety
happiness
joy

Because however you and your family feel now will be heightened by 100% when you live together.

Financial Contribution

Talking about money is extremely important and needs to be tackled as soon as possible. In all relationships, money issues can cause problems and can ruin solid foundations.

Make your relationship with your family air-tight by discussing what you can afford, and what they are expecting then meet in the middle.

How much will you be contributing to the household on a daily, weekly, monthly or quarterly basis?
Will you be paying for general household cleaning products?
Are you get your own fridge freezer?

This needs to be discussed initially before you moved in and a decision is made.

Then 3 months after you have moved in, the amount needs to be discussed again.

Is the amount too high?
Or too low?
Can you manage financially?

If you are going to borrow the car occasionally, don’t forget to contribute towards the cars upkeep. Be prepared to help towards paying for insurance, services, road tax, petrol etc.

Carve Out Responsibilities

We are trying to ensure we iron out all the potential creases before it becomes a problem or a niggle.

If you have been living alone or with a spouse, you are used to running your own home how you see fit. Running around naked, singing in the bath, dancing in the kitchen (my favourite).

But now, you are going to be living with relatives and the way they run their house is not going to be the same.

So before entering their home, decide the role you are going to play within the home.

What you are responsible for in the home such as cooking for the whole family or just you and your children?.

Tidying the whole house or just after your children.
Gardening on a weekly, fortnightly or monthly basis.
How often are you going food shopping, or household shopping?

This should be one of the fun parts, as before it was ALL YOU. Now you have shared responsibility. This is a win for me.

Location in the home

It’s a tad cheeky but you need to negotiate with your relatives about the amount of space you will be taking or the lack of space.

So where in the home will you and your children be sleeping, eating, playing, working and doing homework?

Yes, they are going to have to adjust, declutter and make room for you and your offspring.

They have already agreed that you can move in… so hopefully, there is some give and take in this area.

The sooner this decision is made the easier it will be for you to mentally prepare for the transition.

Prepare Immediate Family

Depending upon the ages of your children, if they are old enough to understand then explain to them what you are about to do, which is deciding that living with relatives is best.

If they are anything like my daughter, they will be mega happy as kids always get spoilt by grandparents.

Layout goals and plans

It’s important that you layout your goals and future plans to your relatives. Meaning the main reason you are moving in with them.

The length of time you would like to stay with them and the goals you hope to accomplish when living with them.

Yes, I know you are a grown a$$ woman and you shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone. But now, you do.

So get over yourself. (Said with love).

Now what you say when you first move in could change 12 months in.

Due to an array of circumstances, such as career opportunities, a love interest or an overseas prospect.

So it’s a good idea to keep your family in the loop and update them as much as they and you feel comfortable with.

Moved In and Looking Forward

So everything is set for you to move in yippee.

Your circumstances are about to change for the better. So this is an exciting time, out with the old and in with the new.

Location of Furniture

No doubt you have lots of furniture from your old home and now you are going to be living with relatives, you will have less space.

Unless you are that lucky chick whose parents have given you a flat within their mansion! Jammy dodger.

I found it extremely overwhelming to declutter prior to boxing up everything.

So I didn’t. I packed up absolutely everything and hired a local storage unit near my parent’s home and dumped everything there.

It would be wise to shop around if you intend to get a storage unit as they become very expensive over a period of time.

If your relatives have a shed, garage or loft that you could utilise, I would highly recommend that!

Some Arguments You Loose

So almost everyone is going to absolutely hate this point.

You are going to have to just “shut your pie hole” aka your mouth and lose an argument or two, or three, or four thousand but hey, whose counting.

*sigh*

However losing an argument looks in your household, do that. If that means agreeing with your relative, agreeing the disagree, or remaining silent. You must do this, so long as it’s not detrimental to your mental health.

The reason is:

1 – Pick your battles

Not everything needs to be debated. If you are going to be moving in with your parents, they may treat you like you are a teenager again.

So be it!

It can be annoying, but that’s what your village, friends, and counsellor are for! Go vent to them.

2. Speak your mind with respect.

There are times when you just have to make your point and get your relatives to understand you.

Please speak out of respect and kindness.

Because harsh words can’t be undone and once they are out, they are out.

The atmosphere in your family home will be awful, uncomfortable and an unpleasant place to be if you lose control of your emotions and say something hurtful.

3. Say sorry first.

Yuck, yuck, yuck.

It’s annoying saying sorry first, especially when you are not in the wrong.

What do you tell your children when they have physically or emotionally hurt another child, “Little Timmy, say sorry to Fifi please.”

What better way to live by example!

Trust me when I say this one doesn’t come easily to me either. I am giving tips on how to live with family successfully.

I didn’t say you’re gonna like it!

Reciprocity / Give and Take

Oh gosh, this should hopefully fill your heart with joy, unicorns and billionaire leprechauns!

Once you have settled in and everyone is comfy with the new or should I say familiar living situation.

Now’s the time to approach your relatives and ask them what they need or want help with. You are more than capable of putting together anything flat packed, Ikea has not defeated you yet!

Perhaps what they want is to be driven around, repair things around the house or be their plus 1 companion.

If they can’t think of something, you have been there for a while, offer to help them.

This is where you ask if you could have some help in any area you are struggling with. We are all different, so my struggles might not be your struggles.

How nice would it be to go to the

toilet unattended by small feet
gym
visit friends

Even something simple like help with clothes washing. Now is not the time to be a martyr. If your relatives offer you help, don’t be bashful, accept it.

Give a Wide Berth

Living with relatives could make you feel like you are living on top of them. Regardless of how awesome your relationship is with your family, we all need space to breathe.

So depending upon the temperature, go out often with your children. Kids have so much energy, it’s in limitless supply during the summer holidays!

They need to go somewhere they can run around and release it all, especially if your new home does not have any outside space.

Respect Personal Space

Depending upon the age of your children, there is no such thing as a personal space and you are used to that.

But your relatives might have forgotten.

When we first moved in to live with my mother, my daughter would wake up and knock on her door at 6:30 am in the morning.

Except for the days when she slept with me or I beat her to grandma’s door. Your relatives might be used to having children around, but living with children is different.

So respect the boundaries that you have mutually put in place to have a harmonious living situation.

Change Your Mindset

When living with your relatives they will have different ideas, theories and philosophies about life and possibly how you should raise your children.

If your stance on life is completely different to your relatives, then living together is going to be a struggle.

You have to, have to, have to change your mindset and think positively about your new or family situation.

For example, your relatives cook a lot of processed foods when feeding your children, which you don’t like.

To combat that:

cook food in advance
buy food you want them to eat
leave them to eat the food and be grateful they have eaten

How you view your living situation can set you up for a comfortable and enjoyable experience or one full of anxiety and stress.

The choice you make is entirely up to you.

Living with relatives has been very successful for my daughter and I. We treat this time with my mother as an opportunity for close fellowship, bonding and learning about our Jamaican heritage.

Hopefully, these points have been helpful to you and given you things to think about in your living situations with your family.

Even if you’re not living with relatives but with friends, lodgers or guests, I think there is something that even you can take away.

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Have you had to move back in with family for a period of time? How was it? Or how is it? I would love to hear your thoughts and any additional tips you may have.

Until next time live life to the fullest.

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