Single Mums, You Are Ready To Date… Don’t Give Up!No-one plans on being a single mother. We all envisioned having our partners by our sides as we raise our children, but that’s not always possible. So does that mean we have to become a nun now? A future without a partner, no companionship, no sex, no intimacy… no thanks!
Woe is MeWhether it be divorce, separation, death, or simply not knowing who the father is (come on, it could happen to the best of us) many women end up as single mothers without really having a say in the fact. Me included… Some are happy and able to get back on the horse and start dating, while others are less confident. Single Mum, you are ready to date, let’s just be clear on that right here and now!
The Myths Of Single Mum-Hood“My body is a wreck!” “I don’t have time to date!” “No-one wants a single mum!” “My kids won’t allow it!” I am sure you have heard or said one of a variation of these things in your time; I call them the mum-hood myths. The false ‘facts’ that stop so many women from seeking love after divorce, separation, or abandonment… and they are false, by the way!
4 Opportunities to Look Positivity at Dating
1) Your Body Is Still BeautifulIt’s just different. As women have a hard time accepting the change in shape that comes with motherhood, but the slight pouch, the stretchmarks, the change in your breasts; these things don’t make you undesirable. There are plenty of men and women out there who will find beauty in your perceived ‘flaws’, you just need to look for the right kind of partners. Better yet, love yourself exactly as you are. There is nothing sexier than a confident, self-assured woman. Your body is amazing, it carried life for goodness sake!
2) Lack Of Time Can Be A Good ThingFor a start, it will stop you from wasting time on those people who do not deserve it! When you were child-free and seemed to have all the time in the world, you could tolerate potential partners (I want to swear… I’ll refrain) dog excrement. You would wait days for a call back, a text reply or the dreaded no shows for a pre-planned evening together. When you have only a few free nights a month, or you need to arrange to have time to go anywhere, you will be quick to eliminate time-wasters. This means less hassle and heartbreak for you! Can I get an Amen? AMEN!
3) The Right Person Will Accept Your ChildrenIf a man does not want to meet your children or wants to have a relationship with you without including them this is a sign that you should back away. Certainly, if you want a short-term fling, a friend with benefits or you simply want to companionship then this could be fine. But if you want a partner for the long-term you need someone who will forge a relationship with your children too! These people do exist, and if that’s what you want, you should never accept less.
4) Your Children Want You To be HappyHollywood is littered with films which show kids demanding their mothers not date or rejecting new partners. Certainly, anyone who tries to replace their father may find themselves on the sharp end of your kids’ personalities. Let’s face it, you are the blinking adult here! Don’t let your kids dictate. This is not Hollywood. The important words you need to read here are ADULT and KIDS Know your role, there is no question that you will not put your kids first. So don’t stress. Introducing the new guy will never be easy… he’s just not daddy. Just remember that. The truth is that they love you and want you to be happy. The right person will click with your children as much as they do with you.
Single Motherhood Is An OpportunityBeing single again after becoming a mum could be the best thing to happen to you, in a really strange way I know, because it gives you an unparalleled opportunity to get to know yourself again. Many women who become single again realise that somewhere down the line they lost touch with the woman they had once been. Somewhere in the middle of the feeding, the changing, the napping and burping, they forgot who they were as a person and became Mummy. Some people even realise that they have been trapped in a relationship which was toxic to them and their children for whatever reason; being single, dating again, sets you free to be yourself as well as mum.
So, how do you know that you’re ready?Well, this is the big question and I honestly have no single answer for you; it’s so personal and based on so many factors. The most obvious answer is that should be over your ex, your children should be settled, and you should feel excited about the prospect. Nervous? Sure, but never start dating when you dread the idea; you don’t need an ‘other half’ to be a good mum, you’ve got that part down.
In my limited experience, dating becomes easier, less fraught, and more successful when you view it as a pleasant diversion rather than an imperative for happiness.A few other things to consider, however, would be the nature of your divorce (assuming you are getting one) and the custody arrangement with your children. If the divorce is ongoing and acrimonious, or your children’s custody is in dispute it might be best to hold off; you don’t want the negativity of the proceedings to seep into your dating life and ruin something with potential. Secondly, you should think about your self-esteem and the relationship you have with your body. How do you feel? You should feel relatively happy, confident, and positive in your own skin before you date again; all dating comes with a setback. Don’t take the risk of hurting your emotional state further by trying to use dating as a way to soothe hurt feelings and damaged self-worth. Do you have thoughts on this one? Are you an ex-single mum who found love again, or a newbie just looking to date again?